Marriage Conflict

It’s Real, Inevitable, and Healing

Zac + I twinning at our friends’ wedding reception in SF

MY REFLECTION

Years into my self-discovery journey, I learned that I struggled with using my voice. Therapy shed light on where that stemmed from. Growing up, I wasn’t encouraged to speak my truth, share my emotions or thoughts, or ask for what I needed. As an adult, to heal, I connected with the parts of me that felt lonely, sad, scared, and reminded the little girl inside of me that she’s safe and loved.

All is well until life throws me situations where I need to practice using my voice. And last weekend’s conflict with Zac taught me that using my voice starts with listening. For all of you who are in a relationship/partnership, I hope you can relate to this story.

Zac did something and I would have done it differently. I tried to share “why” by giving him a relatable example, but it didn’t land for him and the conversation ended abruptly. About 15 minutes passed, and Zac walked into my office to share how my words made him feel. I thought I was giving him space, but in hindsight, I was defending myself and standing up for why I said what I said. Zac and I left that conversation both not feeling heard and frustrated.

We took some time apart, and some thing we practice in our marriage is writing down what we individually could have done differently. I spoke to my gf, Lissette, who reminded me how powerful our ego is and how it can get in the way of listening. I sat with that thought for hours and asked myself why I couldn’t hear him or why I unintentionally refused to listen. What was not listening hiding? It was hiding my fear of being wrong, feeling embarrassed, and dealing with disappointment in myself. Why did I feel the need to defend myself? Because if I didn’t, I most likely would feel the way I felt as a little girl who didn't know how or when to use her voice, confused and ignored.

I went home to Zac and used my voice to share my apology and reflection on what I could have done differently; listen. I was met with love and respect and though a painful and distressing day, I took one step closer in my healing and Zac and I grew closer in partnership.

I share this to normalize conflict in marriage and it’s ability to strengthen and build resilience and love in a relationship. We are all in beautiful and messy relationships with one another and ourselves so my hope is to learn together as a collective.

Here’s a quote that I come back to time and time again that reminds me that the goal is not perfection, but to continue to try to do and be better.

“The journey is not about knowing what the right thing is to do, but finding the courage to do it. Speaking truth where you once could only hold your breath and endure the pressure of holding it just beneath your heart. Trying, again and again, until you arrive somewhere you can be proud of, that you can make peace with. Until the person you are on the outside begins to match the one living within.” — Brianna Wiest

xx Tash

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MY INSPIRATION

This section of my newsletter is evolving and settling back into what Tash’s Corner is inspired by — the beauty of our messy journeys and the vision to curate an intentional life filled with creativity and community. What does this look like? I’m celebrating local retail & hospitality with the hopes that it 1) inspires us to support businesses in our community and/or 2) if you’re playing with entrepreneurship, I hope it inspires you to create and build something of your own. I’m focusing more on well-being and how that relates to what I’m consuming, reading, listening to, etc. And I’ll continue to share style; the small beautiful tangible things in our home or closet that inspire me to play with creativity.

• My go-to outfit to transition into 70 degree Fall-ish weather has been these vintage wide leg archival jeans from Another Tomorrow with a variety of different tops to dress up or down 1) a fully tucked sweatshirt, 2) a heavy weight faded tee with rolled sleeves or this vintage boy tee bought one size up, or 3) cotton chunky textured knit polo or sweater tank for <$100 4) my vintage crinkled tank - similar style from Toteme on sale (but more sizes here). Been adding in accessories by wearing these Bottega Veneta-esque drop earrings that are extremely light and this silver hardware black belt from Déhanche.

Style Highlight // Same denim for WFM to gf shopping afternoon to date night

• Dr. Becky Kennedy’s TED Talk on the ‘The single most important parenting strategy’. Not just for parents, but for anyone in a relationship and/or partnership that needs tools on how to repair.

• Zac’s favorite season is peak Fall, but because we’re not there yet, he’s into wearing his favorite tees (literally owns a range of neutral colors in this style) with an oversized Kapital jacket or vest option. He has Engineered Garment’s field vest (true to size) and eyeing this one from Taion for <$130.

• Zac and I were home in SF celebrating our friends Traci & David’s wedding and got to stop by two of our favorite places. We love The Perish Trust with it’s intentional visual merchandising (i.e. they have one book on display and every other copy is wrapped in kraft paper), ongoing support for local artisans/ceramicists (beautiful to see Niki from Manu and Ariel’s work in person), and inspiring work ethics. Instead of operating from fear, the store took a 3-month break this year to reset and based on our visit, they came back even stronger.

Retail Highlight // The Perish Trust in SF

• And the 2nd is delicious, fun, and reliable Nopalito. We sat at their low counter top and ordered our usual: TOTOPOS CON CHILE (Chips tossed in salsa de árbol, cotija cheese, onion, cilantro, crema and lime), TOSTADA DE CEVICHE A LA MEXICANA (Crispy corn tortilla, lime marinated fish, smashed avocado, tomato, jalapeño, onion, cilantro and salsa piquin) and QUESADILLA ROJA (Mulato chile-corn tortilla, crispy pork belly, cascabel & guajillo chiles, jack cheese, queso fresco, onion and cilantro). They also make Zac’s cocktail perfectly, MEZCAL PALOMA (Del Maguey Vida, grapefruit, lime, soda, Cynar) and for me, I can’t help but order one of their AQUA FRESCAS or HORCHATA. And before I started my job at Auberge, my friends would joke that they couldn’t eat until I took a photo but now that design tabletop for work, I’m paying that much more attention to the details. Nopalito’s dinnerware is from HF Coors from Tuscon, AZ (they need an updated website but the product feels good) mixed with Oaxacan red clay pottery. I work with Minna Goods and they have a beautiful collection of large salad bowls, small share plates, and 3 size serving bowls

  

  F&B Highlight // Nopalito in SF

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