Defining Friendship

As a woman in her 40's

MY REFLECTION

An extrovert, human connector, community builder. These are adjectives of how friends have described me in the past. As I’ve gotten closer to deeply knowing who I authentically am, I find myself not only relating to these adjectives more, but I’m understanding that the quality of my life is determined by the quality of my relationships.

For various reasons, being a “people person” in Denver looks very different than when I lived in SF. Being born and raised in SF gave me a range of friendships that dated back to preschool. I co-owned a shop in Hayes Valley where people could stop by whenever they wanted to say hello. And I’m now married and in the process of trying to build a family which puts me in a very different life stage.

I took this past month to reflect on my definition of friendship, given the chapter of life I’m currently in, asked myself, ‘which friendships offer me a sense of belonging and why? what does friendship mean to me today? what does nurturing a friendship look like day-to-day?’ and got clear on the below:

• Value of vulnerability & low-key hangs. I recently brought up with multiple friends that I’ve been wanting more low-key hangs that don’t require a ton of planning or prior notice. Though I had some fear of rejection, I’m grateful to report back that every gf I shared this with also wanted more low-key hangs and we gave ourselves permission to overinvite one another. I also love how low-key hangs require a frequency that cultivates a more intimate circle, which helps me prioritize making meaningful memories and depth in my friendships.

  Some of my favorite low-key hangs are…

  • Movie night - Just saw “Joy Ride” last week with my gf Annie. If you haven’t seen it, watch it in theater (be ready for some laughs and even tears!) and support an Asian-American cast, director, and writer.

  • Workout or walk / coffee or ice cream date - Love one or a combo of it all. I’ll also always say yes to a boba or pastry date!

  • Drop by unannounced. 9 out of 10 times, we’re free for a quick hang and love to have our friends over. And since it’s summer, we’ve been doing a lot of patio hangs. Zac and I always have iced coffee/tea or Topo Chico and easy snacks ready to go.

  • Running errands - Need to do some returns at the mall or want to pick up some gifts, let’s do it together.

• Timeless old friendships are grounded in love and unwavering support. Beyond history, these are lifelong friendships where we’ve seen one another evolve. We’ve been closer in some years and farther apart in other years. Because these friends live in other states and low-key hangs are unrealistic given the distance, the saying that “no matter how much time has passed, we can just pick up where we left off” is very true here.

• Friendships that I consider family. It’s not based on the length of friendship, history, or the year you were born. (P.S. Because aging doesn’t necessarily mean you’re growing). We could know each other from high school or we could have met through my shop or through a friend of a friend. This sisterhood is bonded by a synchronicity of life moments, an unwavering commitment to not only do the work but integrate the work, and a love that never asks one another to be anything else but who we authentically are.

• Practice of self-reflection. About once a quarter, I take inventory of who’s in my life and reflect on who I need to pull closer or who I need to create space with. My love doesn’t change as I move people in and out, but it’s a reminder to honor what I currently need in my friendships and to accept where my friends are on their life journeys. Recently through this practice, I had the opportunity to see and acknowledge how the women in my life give me a sense of belonging or a sense of acceptance, inclusion and identity, but in different ways. I have my supportive listeners, my trusted advisors, and my social allies; each reminding me in their own way that I’m never alone.

To all my friends, thank you and I love you. As always, here’s a beautiful quote to close out this month’s reflection.

“In the deepest sense of the word, a friend is someone who sees more potential in you than you see in yourself, someone who helps you become the best version of yourself.”―Adam Grant

xx Tash

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MY CHECKLIST

I’ve accidentally over-assorted with bottoms in my closet so this month’s checklist is dedicated to tops and summer life like outdoor entertaining!

1. With the season change, I have to make minor tweaks to my skincare routine, starting with choosing a cleanser that isn’t drying. Regardless of the season, I love the consistency of gel and most importantly, I want to be able to swipe a cotton round and not see dirt. Love the ingredients and quality of this brand so decided to try this cleanser for the next couple of months.

2. Simple throw-on white linen pants that I’ll wear every summer dressed up with a detailed woven top or over a bikini when I’m on vacation. Here’s a few options: Reformation (regular & petite sizes), Faithful the Brand, Mango (for $70!)

3. Zac is very serious about always being in stock of Topo Chico all year round, so having a chic and reliable bottle opener is just as important. Here’s our favorite from Craighill (the brass feels nice and substantial) and we also love this one from Fort Standard Studio.

4. I’ve been double shampooing the last couple of years and play with different brands (I mentioned Hairstory’s New Wash last month) but I consistently use this shampoo/conditioner duo…it leaves my hair squeaky clean, shiny, and hydrated.

5. Always thinking about proportion when I’m wearing shorts. So at high summer, I’m wearing and always on the hunt for light weight and breathable tops. Like this eyelet embroidered shirt, this vintage-inspired effortless linen 3/4 sleeve top (I’ve been living in the white one and now eyeing it in natural and green), and for a bit more $$ but a staple for years to come, this Parachute silk shirt.

6. Friends from Studio Trovato generously gifted me one of Leif’s hand soap/balm gift sets and love the scent, texture, and that I can easily buy refill pouches (reducing plastic use!). Beautiful packaging and something I plan on gifting other friends.

7. We planted green beans, golden beets, heirloom tomatoes, zucchini, and snap peas this summer so if all goes well, we’ll have some veggies in our garden very soon. I’m envisioning us having lots of wooden boards filled with veggies so found this set of 3 - the boards align along a diagonal edge to allow various configurations…such a cool design that allows me to mix and match how I put them together. We also love our board from Jacob May but looks like his pieces are now made to order…definitely worth the wait!

   

   summer outfitting

8. I don’t use Dry Shampoo consistently but during the summer, I’ve noticed myself grab it more often to help with volume and absorb oil. I’ve bought both this one from Furterer and this one from R&CO time and time again, but am currently trying this one from Captain Blankenship for the following reasons…. It’s color-specific so I bought Refresh for dark hair (they also have one for light hair), it’s a powder so less sticky, and it’s in a sprayer bottle which makes applying less messy.

9. I’ve traded my lululemon Speed shorts for a longer inseam and a higher waist (aka Fast & Free shorts). I bought a my first pair two summers ago, and last summer, they sold out so fast! They’re back this season with a new drop of colors so buy them ASAP! I own last year’s red that they brought back and may need to add my go-to color lately, this pretty lavender.

10. Not something new in our home but the wind chimes we have hanging in our entryway from Pigeon Toe Ceramics (based in Portland, OR) has been getting a lot of love from friends who have recently stopped by. The wind chimes offer our wall a bit of movement and are made of unglazed ceramic discs that feel organic yet modern. Love the idea of being able to hang them outside as well.

11. My gf Jamie did a collaboration with bag designer brand, Songmont and not only is the bag thoughtfully designed, sustainably made, and aesthetically beautiful, I resonate with the founder’s story and love supporting a fellow AAPI entrepreneur and creative. I’ve been carrying the Large Song Bag in Taupe all around Denver and already have this slouchy suede style and this bucket bag in the moss color on my wish-list for Fall.

12. Sometimes adding some texture or simple print to my outfit is all that is needed. Here’s some summer style tops that I can wear casually or for a date night with Zac or gfs. This linen/cotton blend strapless (on sale!), slightly cropped floral print linen tank with seam detailing that just makes it fit that much better, and an off-the-shoulder style in a seersucker.

13. And for Zac, summer has been all about revamping his selection of shorts. He found this brand, O.N.S Clothing while we were in HK and found this style when he's going for more of a sporty outfit and this linen style when he wants to look a bit more pulled together.

    

    summer home life

14. Recently discovered a ceramicist, Nathalee Paolinelli from Vancouver who if I could, would buy her entire collection of vases, dinnerware, candle stands and more. Her pieces are raw, feminine, and uber unique. (PS. Links are from a few of my favorite inspiring shops)

15. We used to carry Annika Inez in our shop and still wear and love her pieces. Some are whimsical but easy to wear. Here’s 3 of my favorites. Silver heart on silk cord, silver small hoops paired with the mini hoops, silver spoon ring as a middle finger statement.

16. I typically gravitate towards neutrals but summer entertaining calls for brighter colors. For tabletop, the easiest way for me to do that is through linens and candles so that I can still use my creamy white and beige dinnerware. Here’s this linen tablecloth with a pop of trim (on sale!) with the matching napkins (I like to mix & match napkins when I have a group of 6+!), and these tie dye tapers or ombre tapers.

17. We’ve been enjoying hangouts on the patio and though I love me some gorgeous colored glasses for the summer, glass isn’t great on the patio so we use these 16oz glasses that are shatterproof and dishwasher safe. If you want to complete the look, they offer the colors also in a tumbler and rocks glass style.

18. Helping my sis update a few of her kitchen essentials and though not the most fun things to buy, they’re necessary. First up, oven mitts and potholders. Traditional oven mitts take up so much space and I find them too chunky so I found this double oven mitt and matching linen pot holders. (Both on sale!)

19. Because the AC is blasting indoors, I find myself living in cozy but not too “athletic-looking” sweatshirts. I’ve been rotating between Rachel Comey’s Fond Sweatshirt (the longer sleeve length Fonder sweatshirt in Beige is on sale!), this textured American Vintage, and an easy slightly distressed zip up hoodie from Nili Lotan.

20. Mid-afternoon summer nap time just got more relaxing with this weighted blanket. Been wanting to pick one up but never found one that checked all of the boxes till now. This one was perfect in size and weight (throw size, 42”x72” and 12lbs), had minimal branding, and offered a linen cover that I could wash it separately.

21. I was recently gifted a straw tote from a vendor and have gotten a few compliments wearing it. It’s not expensive and actually resembles this tote on Amazon. Because it’s made of paper, it’s not holding up with these random Denver thunderstorms we’ve been having and won’t make it to next summer. I haven’t carried a straw bag in years but open to a couple of silhouettes and sizes. I’m looking at the basket bag silhouette either with a loop handle in this beautiful green color, the tote silhouette with top-handle (that’s currently on sale for $158!) or this larger tote with a long leather strap (Not a fan of the branding but I’m sure I can snip that off 😉). Or maybe I just save up for the Loewe classic bucket bag?!

22. Not what I’m wearing during the summer, but bought these Khaite jeans on sale and they’ll be perfect to transition into Fall and wear through the Winter. They’re high rise with a curved leg that tapers at the bottom in a rich deep black. Bought them in my true size and they fit perfectly!